yup, it is...!

                       life is like a ladybird.come nowhere.and be somewhere.it's like my life.

oh my life..hari ni aku kena marah dengan doktor...sbb..aku x prepare before jumpa dia hri ni..huhu..padan muka aku..saper suh kau x redi betul2 dulu before jumpa doktor tuh...

aku mmg akui kesalahan aku..aku patut prepare dlu..jgn main copy paste je material tuh..

"ha amik kau...!"

melimpah ruah soalan doktor tanya aku..aku pulak, 

"errr...."
"aaaa..."
"i don't knoe..."

i deserve this humiliation..in front of those ppl, huh! jatuh saham aku..kih3
tp xpe la, dorang pun kena marah gak..kih3

kalau sebelum ni, aku xpenah kena marah, wlpn aku x prepare apa2 sblm jumpa doktor, main copy paste dr internet jek...sebelum ni dpt layanan baik dr doktor, org msia kan..tp kali ni...huhu..pengajaran buat aku..lain kali kena prepare before jumpa doktor..

bercakap pasal studi ni, teringat aku ade sorg ustaz ni penah kasi tau, sistem pendidikan kat msia skrg ni bukanlah mementingkan ilmu, tp mementingkan peperiksaan..asal dpt keputusan cemerlang, xkisah student nak jadi apa, asalkan akademik ok, then it's okay..
bila ustaz tu cakap cam tu, aku pun terpikir, aku pun cam tu, dalam otak studi-studi..

kenapa..?
sebab nak lulus dengan cemerlang, lepas ni dpt masuk uni, dapat pegi oversea..bla..bla..

tgk insiden hr ni, xkan jadi cam ni kalau aku anggap ilmu for life, bukan semata-mata utk assignment..akn timbul rasa tanggungjawab dlm diri aku utk do some research, not just copy paste from the internet..huhu..*insap*

kenyataannya, xde guna studi semata-mata utk xm, sbb lps ni akan lupa, bila dah abis xm, ilmu yg kau belajar sumer dah dicurahkan atas ketas peksa..jadi apa lg yg tinggal...

bayangkan out there, berapa ramai yg berfikiran cam aku, studi sbb nk lulus xm...berapa ramai yg benar-benar ikhlas belajar, sbb nak dpt ilmu, bukan untuk lulus xm...berapa ramai yg benar-benar ikhlas kerana Allah taala..

aku terpikir, kini baru aku tahu, hidup ini bukanlah semata-mata untuk xm, ilmu tu bukan hanya pada kertas peperiksaan, bila dah abis xm, xberguna lagi..bukan!

it's something u live with it...

it's something u treasure and use in everydays life...

it's time...

"adoi, pedihnya kata2 itu"

realiti selalunya pedih...kembali kepada realiti sebenar, aku seakan2 baru terjaga daripada tidur.. realiti yang begitu pedih mengimbau kembali ketidakmatangan aku, yang bergelar seorang mahasisiwa...

"dah 22 rupanya aku.."

satu kenyataan yang membuatkan aku tersentak..membuatkan aku sedar, umurku semakin meningkat, tapi aku masih di takuk yang lama...

"aku nak berubah, tapi aku perlukan masa.."

mindset yang tak membawa aku ke mana2...masih still di level yang dulu..beginner..birthday kali ni opened my eyes..opportunity xkn dtg kalau kita sendiri tak cari..dan kejayaan takkan datang bergolak tanpa usaha..

aku ingin berubah tapi at the same time, i refuse to accept the fact that changes have to be done step by step..not expected to be good at one push...no..no...changes have theirs own stages..that we must go through...

that kind of mindset will only lead to one answer..you'll never be able to change..may be you will..but the changes might not pleased you as it happen beyond your expectance...

as for me, i think that changes need its own plan to succeed..in order to make the first move, we must plan to change...not just wait till it happen by itself..don't always blame the time for our failure

"i need time..."

"i need more time to change..."

the time is already given to you, yet you still make no move..time is not the problem here..

"it is you!"

i always tend to think that changes need a lot of commitments and responsibilities..that i refused to accept and live with it...but in fact, i live lying to myself..

try to live in old style..giving excuses about being myself..

"be yourself, don't be someone else.."

"don't be hypocrite.."

"don't pretend to be her, be yourself...show your true self, don't act good, as you aren't that good"

sometimes it's good to pretend, to be hypocrite in order to change..an old friend used to say,

"it's okay to pretend, because at the end you gain your trust..trust upon yourself to be change for better..inshaallah.."